To Cease, Abruptly

EULOGY"look at this ocean of minds... if we don't swim in it, why are we here for?"

- Yasmin Ahmad (1958-2009)

On the very day I got to know she suffered a stroke, I went online and sent her a get-well message via Facebook. Dedicating all my prayers in hope for her speedy recovery, it was to my disbelieved that she lost the battle and finally succumbed to death within hours after the collapse. I was devastated, ironically not so much of the tragic death, but that my message to her will never reach and that her inspiring messages conveyed through her artistic work will no longer deliver. This incident leads to a peculiar notion of how sudden death brings an end to our ‘work’ while some of these unfinished ones become abandon, unattended or remain idle, indefinitely. It is the idea of how craving survives life and that taking away of life disabled craving. The unwilling cessation of craving is then seen too brutal, unforgiving and beyond acceptance.

To reflect on how life could sometimes end so abruptly is to understand how fragile, temporary and hollow it is, yet we continue to live with strong attachment. Perhaps what remain at the end of the day is our contribution, the invaluable gift that is seemingly imprint for the appreciation of others manifested through the work. It is therefore the sudden death of Yasmin that breaks the silence of her continuous attempt to question and provoke the sensitive issues in Malaysia. Infamous indeed for her often unpolished yet poignant approach in film-making, she has attracted endless controversies particularly in respect of her frank discussion on sex, racial, religion and cultural themes.

Driven by her undying passion and through the medium of art, she restlessly challenges stereotypical Malaysians to open up and sight for the possibility of going beyond the current standing. She never fail to encourage the society to work against established norms for the betterment, a conscious perhaps already ingrained within but left suppressed or unspoken for fear of social stigma.

All her interracial romance and family-themed films attempt to explore the essence of the core and taken-for-granted assumptions among Malaysian. Her works bring us away from the continual examination and magnification of racial, religious and cultural differences but to realize and appreciate our common identity as mere human who can righteously love and be loved regardless of ideology and attribute differences.

It is always the case that when death strikes, our ego and skin colour ceases to matter, enemies turn to friends and we look not our differences but begin to cherish our similarities. Too often we conflict with our love ones only to know that if they no longer exist, we would deeply regret our mistreatment towards them and yearn to have done things differently, if time can unwind. Indeed, regret and guilt are the most difficult emotions to cope with and the possibility of a sudden death reminds us to live nobly and compassionately while we still can.

It is perhaps her ambitious attempt to educate, instill and perpetuate the idea of harmony in all different angles, and love and forgiveness being the ultimate key messages she tries to communicate in her films and advertisements. For that Yasmin, your works of art will be thoughtfully and deeply missed. Al-Fatihah.

PS: This post is exclusively dedicated to my best friend whom I care and love. I hereby sincerely apologize for all the mistakes done, strongly believing they were unintentional and of pure ignorance.

Leading Life, Exhausting Existence

(from the viewpoint of an Aspriring Theravadin)

The sanctity of life is unquestionable. We lived, living still and will continue to live until our consciousness ceases. But then, living itself often triggers a sense of unworthiness for failing to identify the meaning and purpose of life; precisely, the sort of life to lead that will meet its very objective which is nevertheless, undefined still by many.

Out of convenience and ignorance, we allow ourselves to flow into the mainstream of established norms and conventions, so as to be deemed related to or secured for being a part of the larger, predominant community. Having built a family life, securing a successful career and being financially viable are classic examples of the supposed, conventional life pursuant. The measure of success becomes dependent on these benchmarks as they have unconsciously transformed into a shared standard for achievement. Fear of being marginalized, we become gradually and forcefully engaged to this stereotypical idea of life. Even when such ‘ideal model’ of life is much accomplished, we then become too exhausted to engross in its seemingly endless routines. As a result, such trivial regularities become purely mechanical and meaningless. This is when one unexcitedly questions the meaning and purpose of life.

As evolution sets in, the influence of norms and conventions deteriorates as we choose to conflict and develop into ‘trend setters’ in pursue of our personalized, desired life. Hence, narrowing down life pursuant to mere self-satisfying and heavily embarked on the idea that life is now and to live life fullest, we soon become pure indulgent of worldly pleasures even at the expense of others. Unguarded by values or principles, our self-centeredness grows out of control and subsequently to the extent that we begin to approve or become defensive of our narcissistic behaviors. Behaving in an increasingly joyless compulsion, life is then seen too ‘weightless’ to have meaningful motives. As a result, we unconsciously become slaves of our egos which no amount selfish pursuant can ever be fulfilled.

And when we get totally lost in direction, we seek guidance and refuge in the teachings of religion. The meaning and purpose of life is definitely answerable when posed to a religious person, as he may boldly claim to be living a pious life as defined by or in accordance with his religion. Still, a perfected religious life of rigidity is often impossible in this complex, developing environment. The teachings of religion are constantly challenged to justify uncertainties and relevance. Nevertheless, an absolute assurance is never obtainable. Even among themselves are subjected to varying interpretation and the justification of right and wrong can sometimes be so arbitrary and contradicting that no definite answer is ever achieved. It is interesting to see how some claim to uphold a religious life but personalized it to suit worldly needs and responsibilities. But to what extent such incorporated flexibility not deviate from the teachings or defeat the purpose of religion altogether?

It is only when crisis strikes that we repeatedly question the purpose and meaning of life. Due to ignorance and inadequate understanding, these unresolved questions are left pending and undefined, perhaps indefinitely. Again and again we deliberately motivate ourselves to live the present life but often cannot help having recurring thoughts on the purpose and meaning of life and beyond.

We must agree that to achieve happiness is what gives meaning and purpose to life. But the happiness that we gain through satisfying worldly pleasures of the senses is insatiable and do not last. Hence, we continually fall into remorse, dissatisfaction and resentment for failing to understand the nature of life. Worldly happiness is therefore claimed to be unreal happiness as they are subjected to impermanence.

As such, true Theravadins aspires to attain real happiness which is everlasting, not impermanent, does not arise and pass away, and beyond the five senses. It is thus our ultimate perspective of life to attain a mental state of perfected peace; to exhaust existence from the seemingly unceasing rounds of death and rebirth by leading not a religious, but spiritual life.

No ‘way of life’ should be justified or be seen superior over another (though justifiable from most religious point of view). It is purely experimental and a choice of ones own based on his understanding of the nature of life. Still at the end of the day, we are answerable to the life we chose. It is therefore of little use to self-proclaim, being hypocritical or genuine because ultimately, it is our conscience that matters. And so, perhaps it is time for us to contemplate and re-establish the purpose and meaning of life, consistent with the ‘real’ objective.

Good night, and good luck!